So I must write this last letter about Jack. I was at a friends birthday party and he continuously asked me over, all the way out to Langly. He convinced me even though it was a rush-job. I was out in the sun all day (so I felt gross) and I had to feed my cat (because I was out all day) but in the end he convinced me because I think that he showed that "I want to see you" effort in begging me. I told him that I would come out as long as I could complete what my plans were; sitting outside at the park watching the stars while enjoying a smoke. He agreed that he'd totally watch the stars with me, so I went. Big Mistake.
It took me two hours to bus there. I gave him updates so he could be sure to meet me at the bus stop for when I got off the bus in a strange area at 12am. When I got there he just then said he was leaving. Thanks. Needing to go to the washroom SOOO badly I tried to look around the mall for some hidden bushes. Nothing! I called him and asked him which direction that he was coming from because I figured me walking towards him would be more effiencient. I got the direction and started walking and I noticed he was with a friend and his dog. Great. Is this his roomate? His dog was wonderful, Maggie. Cute Cute Cute!
So we walk back to his house. I'm overwhelmed and pissed off cause I need to pee and their taking their sweet ass time. When we get back to his house I'm appauled. I'm litterally taken aback from the state of the living space that they have subjected themselves too. There is no order to his house everything just looks thrown together. I dunno if I wanna sit down anywhere! I quickly asked for Jack to grab me a clean towel and I will go ahead and shower so I can feel clean. First things first. He grabs me one and I enter the bathroom. You have to be kidding me. The place looks like it hasn't been cleaned in two years. There is a ring of gross dirt around the tub and I thought to myself. I'm on Just for Laughs right? I'm all looking for a camera. I thought that it would be best to get clean and not spend a lot of time in there and that's what I did. I took a 3 minute shower, litterally. I didn't even bother wetting my hair - not going to bother!
I was in and out and then went into the living room to sit all by myself where a third guy was there. For some reason I thought that they all had this plan that they just wanted to talk me into a three some however that wasn't happening when the state of their apartment looked like a bomb went off and they were too lazy to do anything about it. I wanted to get out of there and asked Jack if we could go to the park "No" he says, "He's not really down for watching the stars". His friends laugh and I say that I want to go out and do girly things, why did I come there then. He responded that he didn't know and ignored me after that. I got up to check bus times - stuck. Pissed off that I didn't have money for a cab. Should I make him pay?
Jacks friend saw that I was being ignored and offered me a smoke. Sure! I'm so ticked off I'll take a smoke for SURE! I said thank you that this will provide me some release from bordome. He chimed in that if I was bored he would be down for having some fun .... O_o ... No thank you - he's ugly.
Appauled I finished my smoke and asked Jack if I could lay down as his friend staring at my boobs was freaking me out a little. He obliged trying to get me into bed himself but I kept saying no no no no. This place was a cock blocker and no woman wants to get nakid. He put in a porno picture as decoration to keep me company. Thanks.
You know, I'm so appauled by what happened I don't even want to type about it anymore! The jist of it was that he's an asshole, I'm not a bitch. He has no respect for woman, and I he doesn't deserve me - even as a friend. I saw him at Occupy Vancouver and must say that I miss him in one way, but for the others - he's not even worth contacting any further.
So moving on from that wreckage ...
The fireman is back in my life. He's made it clear however that I'm not allowed to like him more then friends. Dammit. At least he can offer the friends thing (which he couldn't before). We get a long so well it makes me giddy sometimes and I get outta hand but, alas at the end of the day I need to focus on me, myself, and I and my future! As he's mentioned he's working on himself and also working on his future I too need to drop being so distracted by a man and focus. If he gets weak in a relationship that means he may loose his independence. I suppose he's like me in that way which is another reason why I can't be a girlfriend right now.
I've shut down my dating profiles and decided to focus now on music and boy do I have a lot to say about that right now!
10/19/11
Jack with No Jill and I'm Left with a Pail of Water
It's been a little while, but that's also because my guard has been up towards so many fella's weeding out whom may not be suitable for my personal evolution in life. Lately I really feel like I should be handing out this boyfriend application to make this a little easier, there are a lot of potential suitors and with my hilarious luck, I’m dumbstruck of what I encounter. This is why I don’t like being single, you have to put up with these jokers! While I’m disappointed that most are not my type, I can’t help but feel my ego inflate - a bit, just a tiny bit. *hehehehehe*
The fireman, he's no longer a point of interest as my previous entry hinted towards. I tried to be friends and he tried to keep his leash on me saying he wants to get together but he's typically only interested in one thing. Our last conversation was me letting him know what exactly I felt he was wanting, not sure why guys are such a wolf in sheep’s clothing when you’re trying to get truth out of them. Just be real! Just tell me what you want instead of trying to be a girl and manipulate your way! Truth is the best thing for me, you try to pull the wool over my eyes and chances are I will never trust you and then start to act, “Crazy” and “Weird”. He said that he wasn't sure if he could offer me more then just a booty call since he was moving away. I said that's its too bad he can't offer friends because I found him to be interesting. So, with me saying that he believed I still wanted him to get into my pants, not denying my previous explanation of his actions. No ... I really wanted more like minded people in my life and when he said that he wanted to get together before he left but, not to be mad if it got sexual I responded telling him not to get mad and leave if I say, “No.” He returned an, “LoL” and that's the last I heard from him. How could he think I’d jump into the sac with him when he doesn’t put forth an effort to give me the time of day? What an idiot! I think I can officially delete him from my phone and Facebook and wish him a lovely life. Done.
So new news! Enter Jack. Another 25 year old. Seems to be that this age isn't exactly working out for me; oh sigh!
So right from the get go I know this guy doesn’t want a relationship. He’s been avoiding them for some time and that’s fine. I’m not ready for one although I want one so I what I made clear is I want something casual, but I won’t stand for being a booty call, I want to feel a little more important than that. He’s fine with that knowing some of my history and I’m fine with what he’s looking for because I’m not ready. Good, line drawn.
We talked for a better part of a month, initially just in passing. We never flirted or anything just a casual friendship, someone that we liked to chat with at the end of our day. I’m not sure where it changed maybe on my trip to Prince George when we’d sign in late at night, find each other, and talk until we couldn’t talk anymore because we’d pass out. When I got back I had someone harassing me on this dating app so I decided to close my account, give Jack my number and if he wanted to talk still – he could use it. He did and from that day on he messaged me quite frequently for someone who doesn’t want or is interested in a relationship. He texted me first, basically as soon as he got up. At this moment it’s safe to say that we had a crush on each others minds and the fantasy that we built up within.
Not a good start ...
I am Jacks sheepish fool. We planned to get together and we were really excited to do so. I was trying to figure out where we could go as the weather was just amazing and I felt like the beach. Wreck beach is beautiful and somewhere I wanted to be - he's never seen the area so I thought that it would be wonderful.
[Insert Beach Image]
However after further investigating we found out that it would take us longer then him getting to me from his area of town. He certainly didn't want to be on transit for close to 3 hours and I wouldn't blame him. We decided to grab some beverages and have a night in.
When I saw him my heart sank. He was smaller then I envisioned him. I imagined him to be a tall handsome fellow and instead I get a guy who's smaller framed then I am who looks like a punk - great. :(
At first I was a little put off by my disappointment and didn't wish to get closer to him. The way he spoke screamed "douche" and the things he said screamed "immature moron" but alas, I put up with it because he came all the way out to see me. If we didn't hit it off that way I wouldn't be disappointed. When we were talking he asked if I was too young for him - I should have said yes but the honest truth is that a 25 year old is the very age that seems to be mostly attracted to me. Either that or creepy 35+ . Hardly anyone around my age ... bah.
When he was describing how great he is with showing up the law because he knows more about the law then they put in force, I found myself again going, "Oh gawd this sucks, he's retarded" in my head but then I slowly just realized - "Let yourself have fun. This isn't a serious thing and he doesn't want to be serious so why are you making it serious? You don't have to like him". Then I slowly relaxed enough so that he could go to hug me and burn me in the face with his cigarette. Fuck You buddy. I am big on signs ... this could foretell that I will be burnt in the future ... however as a woman with needs I didn't listen. He challenged me. He brought out the bitch. He
brought out defenses and I found it to be fun because of the challenges, after all - there is no commitment.
I was kind of ready to say goodbye after our first meeting however, he was still messaging me everyday and flirting and acting like he was all in like with me. Also, he wanted to see me again. Hmm
